There is a very fine line between a *normal* child and once with ADHD.  All the difficulties we have raising a child with ADHD are the same, it’s just that we face it to the extreme.  It’s hard to pinpoint where the line is.

I read an article about a preschooler with ADHD and perhaps you can see the differences for yourself.

Marianne is now 4 years old. Her parents were very excited when she turned four that perhaps that would mean that the terrible twos were finally over. They were not. Her parents are very grateful that the Grandparents are nearby. The grandparents are grateful that Marianne’s aunts and uncles live nearby. Marianne’s Aunt is grateful that this is her niece, not her daughter. Why? Marianne requires an incredible combination of strength, patience, and endurance.

Marianne begins her day by getting up early and making noise. Her father unfortunately has mentioned how much this bothers him. So she turns on the TV, or if that has been mysteriously disconnected, bangs things around until her parents come out. Breakfast is the first battleground of the day. Marianne does not like what is being served once it is placed in front of her. She seems to be able to sense how hurried her parents are. When they are very rushed, she is more stubborn and might refuse it altogether. It would be a safe bet that she would tell her Mom that the toast tastes like poop. This gets her the first “time out” of the day.

In the mornings she goes to pre-school or goes off with her grandmother or over to her aunts. Otherwise Marianne’s mother is unable to do anything. Marianne can not entertain herself for more than a few moments. She likes to spend her time purposefully annoying her mom, at least so it seems. Marianne will demand over and over that she wants something. For example, playdough. She knows it must be made first. So her mom finally gives in and makes it. Marianne plays with it about one minute and says, ” Let’s do something” . Her mother reminds her that they are doing something, the very thing that Marianne has been demanding for the last hour. ” No, Lets do something else”

So after Marianne’s mother screamed so hard she was hoarse when her husband came home, Marianne gets to go out almost every morning. At preschool she is almost perfect, but will not ever do exactly what the teacher wants. Only once has she had a tantrum there. Marianne gets along with the other children as long as she can tell them what to do.

Her grandmother and Aunt all follow the same “time out” plan. This means she goes to a certain room until she calms down. The room is empty now at Marianne’s grandmother. Marianne broke the toys, and they were removed. She banged the furniture around and it was removed. What sets Marianne off is not getting to do what Marianne wants. She screams, tells people she hates them, and swings pretty hard for a four old. After a half hour it is usually over, but not always. Marianne will usually tell her mom or Grandmother about these tantrums. The story is always twisted a little. For example, Marianne will tell her Grandmother that her mom locked her in her room because she was watching TV. Her grandmother used to believe these stories, and Marianne could tell the whole story of how she was watching this show, and her mom just came in and dragged her to her room. Now it turns out that Grandma doesn’t think much of TV anyways, and so this made a certain amount of sense to her. This led to more than one heated argument between the Grandma and her mom. Of course there was almost no truth to this at all. It took the tables being turned for the Grandma to really believe that her Granddaughter could set up an argument like this. Marianne came home and told her mom that Grandma let her eat four cookies and an ice cream cone for a treat and that she was very full. Marianne’s mom doesn’t think much of treats, and could see how this might happen and thought she would have to talk to her mom. Finally they both realized what Marianne was doing.

Most of the afternoon with Marianne is spent chasing her around trying to wear her out. It doesn’t seem to work, but it is worth a try. When she is at her aunts, she tries to wreck her cousin’s stuff. When is she good? When there are no other cousins around and she has the complete attention of her Aunt or Grandpa.

Marianne loves the bedtime battle. She also loves to go to the Mall. But she never gets to go there or hardly anywhere else. She acts up so badly that her family is very embarrassed. Her mother shops and visits only when Marianne goes to preschool. It is hard to know who is more excited about Marianne going to school next year, her mother or Marianne!

I almost lost my Dad this week. He has MS and had a reaction to one of the medications he takes (Aleve, if you’re wondering). He’s taken it for years to help with pain and spasms but it caught up to him.

He got up one morning and didn’t feel right. My Mom went to help him get up for the day and he was white as a sheet. It turns out he was hemorrhaging into his small intestine.

I’ll skip through the rest of the details and skip to the most important part. He’s ok now. In fact, after the transfusions, fasting and the introduction of steroids he feels better than he has in years.

Happy Father’s Day Dad. I love you.

I recently posted about the loss of our friend’s daughter. We’ve been a little out of sorts since then. We’ve been feeling horrible for what they have been through. They live at the other end of this country and we weren’t able to be there for them.

The day after the funeral we received a call from them. They wanted to regroup as a family and were taking a trip across Canada making stops to visit everyone that has played an important part of their lives. He expected to be at our place in a couple of days (I grew up with him, our parents grew up together, and despite the geographical distance we want our kids to know each other too). We feel honoured that we made the list.

I was a little nervous before they came. They’ve just been through hell and I don’t imagine they’re the same people anymore. It turns out they aren’t, but not in the ways I expected. They are so much stronger now, they’ve kept on smiling and laughing. They hang on knowing what T’s tragic life has done for others.

C & D, T has reminded us how lucky we are to have the children we have. No matter what obstacles we cross we can always get through it together as a family. No matter how rough life can get, ‘just keep swimming’.

Our friend’s daughter has passed away.

If I can’t even process that thought in my head, I can’t even imagine what they’re feeling.

I’m back home from my Grandma’s funeral.  I’m still in denial that I lost both of my maternal Grandparents in such a short time.  I know I’m lucky to still have had both of them this long.

Sad stuff aside, my Grandma left behind a great gift to us.  We always knew she kept a diary but we’re blown away.  She wrote EVERY DAY from the time she was little up until a couple of years ago when Alzheimer’s hit.  In her last few entries she was aware that her memories were fading and was grateful that she could read about them.  She detailed everything, not just from her life but the events of the people in her life.  My Mom & Uncles are so grateful.  Even though she’s gone, her memories are not.

I too keep a diary.  Mine is pretty sporadic though.  I do keep some memories here too but they’re a bit filtered here nor do I expect this blog to stand the test of time the way a paper journal does.  I want to make a better effort.  I don’t think I’ll be able to be as detailed as my Grandma but I do think I can do a lot more than I do now.

Thank you Grandma, both for your memories and for your inspiration.