3 poopy diapers, 4 temper tantrums, a food fight and a paint mess.  This is all before noon.  I’m exhausted.

Did I mention I still haven’t pumped when I should have pumped twice so far and the pets are still begging for breakfast?

Oh yeah,  I’ve also had some stomach bug for the past 4 days.

This isn’t a pity party.  I adore having children and knew what to expect before getting into this whole parenting thing.  If I knew then what I know now I’d still do it again in a heart beat.  I just need a little me time is all.

Having children is a battle of wills most days.  Parents who work feel the guilt of trying to provide while feeling absent and parents who stay home feel guilty because the stress of not having a break is often felt by the kids.

Where is the happy medium?

Most parents in American and Canadian societies feel frustrated and full of angst.  We try our hardest to do it all and just can’t.

Many people could argue that we are lucky to have such problems and we do it to ourselves citing parental selfishness, saying, “You chose to have a baby so now deal with the consequences“.  I whole heardetly disagree.

When I do get to venture out in public I am clumsy at introducing myself, half-mumbling what I used to do for work in a previous life, or resorting to a browbeaten “Just a mom“.  Shut inside with all 3 children, myself and my husband throwing up the past 4 days I feel desperate at times.

Despite the fact I’m busier than I’ve ever been, I’m also bored stiff.  This makes me feel guilty.  Beeing that escentially I have a free schedule I *should* be able to get all the household chores done and have dinner ready when my husband comes home but instead the house is a sty at the end of the day and my husband is the one cooking.

Did I mention I still have to fit all my freelance work in this mess and my ongoing health issues often leave me incapacitated?

Before deciding to stay home I was also in a mess.  I felt horribly guilty about not being there and couldn’t concentrate on my job at hand.  What about doctors appointments, or a sick child?  My work suffers again.  After 3 the cost of daycare and the commute cancelled out my income and it didn’t seem worth it to go anymore.  Being that I love what I do I continue to work freelance.  I enjoy it and it keeps me from losing my skills (and my mind).   The problem is by the time the kids go to bed I’m too exhausted to get the work done.

I want to know what other parents do to find balance?