*Warning* – this is going to be a mega pity party. I am at my wits end here. I am so frustrated with being sick. Every time I start to think it’s improving it gets worse. Just getting up in the morning is becoming a challenge. Being off work I hoped to do so much. I wanted to get together and catch up with friends, keep my house clean, catch up on the board, and most importantly spend as much time as humanly possible with my son. Well none of that’s happening. I’m a mess. Showering and brushing my teeth are the worst. I dry heave so bad that I basically go back to bed after getting that far.

My family Doctor is a great Doctor in so many ways but is a useless boob when it comes to pregnancy. I really hoped to only see my OBGYN for this pregnancy but he insists on doing shared care. I’ll give you an idea on the many reasons that I don’t think my Family Doctor is meant for pregnancy. He won’t even attempt to listen for a heartbeat until 20 weeks. He says there is no way he’ll find it with a doppler before then. I know better than that but it’s hard to argue with a Doctor. This is why I rented a Doppler. Before I was diagnosed by my OBGYN with IUGR last time I suspected it far earlier. At 30 weeks when he took my fundal height and not only had it not gotten bigger in almost 2 months but was actually smaller this time (I was dropping) he brushed off my concerns and said I was just petite. When I did go in and see my OBGYN I didn’t even need to tell her my concerns. I walked in the door and she said I was going to the hospital immediately for a NST and Ultrasound because we probably had to evict this child.

This time is no better. When I had my stomach surgery done and realized I can no longer throw up my surgeon said that if I heave once fine, but anything more than that, even a stomach bug, had to be taken care of immediatly as it can be extremely dangerous. My stomach can tear and have permanant damage. I have discussed how sick I am with my family Doctor and he did said he was very concerned but the next words out of his mouth were “see you in 4 weeks“. I didn’t let it go and he said it can’t be that bad since I’m not dehydrated and haven’t lost weight. Ya no shit, nothing comes up so how would I get dehydrated? That is the only bonus right now is that I know what goes down will stay there. My concerns are getting more. My dry heaves are producing small amounts of blood now. There is no way that’s ok. Of course my Family Doctor just makes a note and sends me on my merry way. I went over his head and phoned my OBGYN. She doubled my Diclectin. It has helped somewhat with the heaves but I still feel crummy. I’m at my wits end! My OBGYN did assure me that if my measurements are off even once (and I suspect they will be) she will switch me to her care only.

It’s frustrating. I’m considered High Risk but it seems to be in writing only. I just want to feel better. I want out of bed, I want to be with Thing 1, I want to leave my house!!!!! Most of all I don’t want to fuck up my stomach even worse than it already is.